Mitch McConman & Nancy Feloni the devils that go down to Georgia
Early Tuesday January 5th Deep in the Bowels of Capitol Hill.
Mitch McConman, glanced down at his expensive wristband.
8:11am.
Already, he’d been up 4 hours, on this day of days for the State of Georgia and the United States. For the umpteenth time he shot a look at his iphone (CCP slave edition). Still no word from Beijing and Chitty Chitty Fang Bang. At any moment, he was expecting Speaker of the House of Cards, Nancy Feloni to burst into his office.
Chitty Chitty Fang Bang was on a crucial mission that was pivotal to the future of the United States of Xi. Mitch McConman was determined that it be an establishment Republican to hand over the keys of the country to the Peoples Republic of China. He knew though, Nancy Feloni had other ideas. Feloni was a slippery, super resourceful rival and had hatched plans of her own to cut Mitch off at the knees and hand the US over to China herself.
Before he had time to ponder how to play his hand, suddenly a Feloni aide burst through the doors of his office to announce her imminent arrival.
“ The Speaker of the House of Xi - all please rise “ the aide mouthed ridiculously.
Mitch smiled inwardly at such braggadocio and remained seated. Nancy’s teeth chattered into the room followed shortly afterwards by the 80 year-old woman herself.
“ Madame speaker please…please take a seat “ said Mitch. In the fashion of a crocodile greeting the arrival of a shark.
As Feloni settled into her chair and mumbled something to her aide, he separately dialled out on his intercom and ordered two bowls of ice cream and a bottle of Jack Daniels.
“ I took the liberty of ordering us breakfast I hope you don’t mind “ he explained as Nancy waved away her fawning aide. She nodded her head in approval and began to grunt.
“ You fucking promised me that you’d have that gorilla out of the goddamn White House by now and out of our hair “
Mitch could only nod his head slightly in shame. The Orange man was proving exceptionally difficult to screw over and defraud. 8 million manufactured votes still hadn’t gotten rid of the bastard.
“ This week Nancy, I promise this week….but first we have the little matter of Georgia to discuss “
Nancy shifted uncomfortably in her seat.
“ I’m not inclined to give you anything from Georgia. We’ve got control of the Dominion servers, machines and algorithms. It was mightily stupid of you to lose control of them “
She said this while allowing herself a chuckle at the end. The smile of shark who could not only smell blood but was also enjoying the taste of it’s first few drops.
“ I hope a roll in the hay with Chitty Chitty Fang Bang was worth it. She’s a long time friend of mine Mitch. Tut Tut…Did she love you long time?? “ She couldn’t resist a guffaw at her on joke.
McConman’s cheeks flashed angrily red in response. Her words, forcing a moments reflection on the night comrade Fang Bang fucked the election algorithms out of him. And in a flash of hitherto unknown levels of naivety, he further revealed all the deep secrets of Dominion and all those phony elections he presided over for the past 20 years.
“ Really Mitch, it’s left you in a most compromising position but fortunately for you, I need to throw you a bone otherwise we’ll have a civil war on our hands. You can have Kelly Waffler. Final Offer “
Mitch had already played out this scenario in his head earlier. Waffler was most definitely preferable to Senator Purdoodoo. Much more controllable and her husband was already a high up member of the CCP given his ownership of the New York Stink Exchange. At that moment his own aide arrived in with breakfast.
“ You still take your JD straight up Nancy “
She eyed him up mischievously
“ Straight up Mitch. A bit like my men. Straight up…. the ass “ she quickly downed a double and slammed the glass on his desk and pointed for another. Of course it was another ruse. She had long given up sex since she found Mike Lyndell and his goddamn My Pillow company. His Pillows were everywhere and extraordinarily comfy between her legs.
“ Time’s up Mitch. Deal or no deal. Time to shit or get off the pillow…I mean toilet“ she roared while slamming her third double shot of JD.
There was no choice really. Deal. As he began to respond his mobile started to buzz. He looked down. The Spy who loved me name flashed on the screen. Chitty Chitty Fang Bang.
He answered.
“ Do not make a deal. I repeat do not make a deal “ he nodded his head slowly appearing nonchalant.
“ Orange Man has the con. Repeat Orange Man has the con. We’re all fucked“ and with that Fang Bang hung up abruptly.
Mitch stared at the phone and slowly placed in front of him on the desk. A million calculations whirring through his brain. He reached for the now half empty Bottle of Jack Daniels, placed to his mouth and drank a long swallow. The makings of a smile was starting to emerge.
“ No deal Nancy. No Deal. “
Written By: Jack O’Satire